Monday, June 18, 2012

The Tooth of the Matter

I'm going in for my second of three steps of dental surgery this morning.  Today, I get implants.  The periodontist will insert three metal screws into my jawbone, screws that will (in about eight more weeks) eventually hold new porcelain teeth in place.

My surgery is scheduled for 10:30 am.  At 9:30, I take a "magic pill" (okay, it's called Halcion).  Once I'm in the doctor's chair, I take another.  These two little pills will put me almost under, causing a trance-like sleepy state.  After doing that the first time a few months' back for my triple extraction (when they removed all my faulty root canal-ed teeth), I can say that the effect of the pills is to almost knock you out.  At first, you just feel very relaxed and slow, then you get sleepy.  Eventually, you are either asleep or you think you are.  Either way, if you're aware of anything going on (surgery happening to your face, for example), you just don't care.  I have to imagine it's what Michael Jackson felt like for the last couple years of his life.   (Too soon?  Sorry, don't care.  That was funny.)

I've turned on "auto reply" on my work email, and will be changing my voicemail soon too.  I'm not allowed to drive or make any legal decisions for at least 24 hours after the medication takes effect.  Based on my experience last time, I'd say that's a reasonable restriction.  Last time, I took the pills in the early afternoon and have very little recollection of anything -- and spent very little time in a conscious state -- until late morning the next day.

I am lucky that I have Sheldon to drive me to the doctor, drive my sloppy, sorry, drooling ass home, and to feed me soft foods like pudding and ice cream.  Sure, I could do yogurt, but c'mon -- it's like getting your toncils out.  All the ice cream you can eat is one of the few advantages!  That reminds me -- I need to make a quick Ben & Jerry's run this morning before my appointment.

Seriously, though -- there is something strange about the idea that my life is essentially going to be completely out of my hands for the next day or two, and knowing that I'm going to be the equivalent of an adult baby (minus the diapers -- I will remain fully potty-trained, even if I need help ambulating to said potty).  Please, readers, say a prayer for me.  I hope this process goes smoothly, but most of all -- I want these procedures to go well and to work!  This is all work that's being done to teeth that I had root canals done to about six years ago.  Those weren't done right.  I want this step to do be done right, and I am ready for a healthy mouth.  Maybe I should stick to sugar-free ice cream....

No comments:

Post a Comment