Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Speaking of Names....

It's time to re-name the blog!  I'd say I'm no longer "rebuilding"....I've built a whole different life instead.  Since Brian died, I've moved to Austin, then San Antonio.  I've dated, married, and had 2 children.  I've changed jobs.  I've acquired another cat.  I've sold our house, moved in with a new husband, sold his house, and picked out another one for our family.  I think I've re-built plenty!  And, arguably, at 35 I may not be classified as "young" anymore...but we don't have to render an official verdict on that, regardless of whether I ditch that part of the blog name.

So....I'm going to be rolling this over in my mind a bit, but I'm open to suggestions!

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

What's in a Name?

On June 13, Sheldon & I became the proud parents of two!  Our second son, Waylon Luis, was born at 5:15 pm after about 10 hours of labor.  He weighed in at 7 lbs, 15 oz.



One of the questions we get a lot is about his name - "Why Waylon?"  Technically, it came from the baby book and was just one we both liked. But, of course, there is some significance that caused us to choose that name in particular out of the twenty or so we had winnowed out of the thousands.

"Like Waylon Jennings?"  Yeah, sort of. But this isn't a tribute name; while Jennings inspired the moniker, the name wasn't chosen to honor him. It's what his name represents that mattered to us.

Waylon Jennings was one of The Highwaymen, a country supergroup of musicians who sang the epic song "The Highwayman" about reincarnation and continuing to live on after death.  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAiPsZRZNOI)  The song was a favorite of Brian's, and one that I only really started to appreciate after his death. Waylon's name, and his very existence, is a reminder that energy is a constant force and that we go on, even if those departed only return as "a single drop of rain." Finally, Waylon is a good mix of Wendy + Sheldon. Waylon being a Texan name, it seemed a good choice for this new life created here by us, a child whose very being exemplifies life after death.

His middle name is also reminiscent of second lives to us, though in the sense of second chances within the context of this physical life.  Sheldon's late grandfather, whose funeral was held on the date that would have been my 10 year wedding anniversary with Brian, was named Luis. I was incredibly touched by the words penned by his wife to be read on the day of his funeral. Luis Gonzalez, or "Grandpa Lou," was by many accounts, a bit of a stern man and could be difficult to get along with when he was younger. There were some disagreements, and at times, some estrangement, between Lou and his children. Eventually, he found religion and age found him. He mellowed enough, and time healed the wounds enough for all, that he made peace with everyone in the family. I love the idea that as long we are alive, it's never too late to change, to forgive, to choose love. I myself am a very different person than I was 10 or 20 years ago. I am more patient (with others and myself), less judgmental, more inclined toward compassion and forgiveness, and more likely to let things be than carry a grudge. I'm working on being less defensive, on owning my actions and feelings and mistakes, and commanding respect. I think I'm a better wife this time around. By no means am I perfect, but I'm getting better. I'm a different person, and who I am now fits with Sheldon. He is a different person than he was as a young adult, and one who fits with me. We wouldn't have been a good match if we had met ten years sooner, but change brought us to the point where we compliment each other and enjoy each other. To me, the name Luis represents the amazing capacity for change that we all hold within our hearts, and the possibilities in store for those who are willing to let go, let live, and let love in.

I don't know what my sweet little boy's soul has lived through before now, nor do I know what trials and tribulations -- and, God willing, redemptions -- await, but right now it is his destiny to be our Waylon Luis.