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| A taste of my old life, courtesy of Pizza Hut |
To help get me through this wave of grief that has been washing over me, pulling me down like a strong undertow, I've been trying to enjoy "Brian" things. Last Sunday, I ordered a half pepperoni, half pineapple stuffed crust pizza -- our ultimate indulgence delivery treat. I would normally have gotten just pineapple -- my favorite -- but I wanted to get pepperoni to remember him. I have been wearing a couple of Brian's shirts around the apartment and wrapping up in a memory quilt my aunt Tracy made with most of Brian's Chicago Bears shirts. I've been looking at pictures of Brian to re-live those good times we had together; I even got out the posterboard of pictures that was displayed at the visitations and funeral from its place in the closet and have put it back in its old spot next to my bed so I can see it every night and morning. I've been listening to The Avett Brothers, especially the
I And Love And You album.
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| Daddy's girl Ellie on his memory quilt |
Are these things helping me remember, or keeping me stuck? I can enjoy good music, good food, and good memories and still enjoy life. I need to make sure I'm continuing to do the latter, and as long as I'm doing that, I'm doing okay.
Dear Wendy
ReplyDeleteIt might sound heartless, but memories are one thing and real life is another. Do not confuse this. For more than one year you continued your own way. You were willing to conclude a new partnership. By the way: What is Antonio thinking about your thoughts? Do not live in the past, but keep on working on your future, without forgetting your roots.
Thanks Erich -- I do try to balance remembering Brian and what we had with the life I have now. Antonio is very understanding, and I do think I generally have a healthy attitude. Though I'm going through a rough patch with the grief now, I'm also looking ahead to our future and taking steps toward the next things to be in my life here in Texas and with him. It is always a delicate road to walk.
ReplyDeleteI love your quilt. I have one too! I just love it. Jorge also loved stuffed crust pizza. :) I am currently living my life for him and our children. Whatever works! Best wishes to you.
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