To help get me through this wave of grief that has been washing over me, pulling me down like a strong undertow, I've been trying to enjoy "Brian" things. Last Sunday, I ordered a half pepperoni, half pineapple stuffed crust pizza -- our ultimate indulgence delivery treat. I would normally have gotten just pineapple -- my favorite -- but I wanted to get pepperoni to remember him. I have been wearing a couple of Brian's shirts around the apartment and wrapping up in a memory quilt my aunt Tracy made with most of Brian's Chicago Bears shirts. I've been looking at pictures of Brian to re-live those good times we had together; I even got out the posterboard of pictures that was displayed at the visitations and funeral from its place in the closet and have put it back in its old spot next to my bed so I can see it every night and morning. I've been listening to The Avett Brothers, especially the I And Love And You album.
Daddy's girl Ellie on his memory quilt
Are these things helping me remember, or keeping me stuck? I can enjoy good music, good food, and good memories and still enjoy life. I need to make sure I'm continuing to do the latter, and as long as I'm doing that, I'm doing okay.