Monday, March 25, 2013

So Much to Say, So Much to Say...

But, most importantly, this:

Sheldon and I are engaged!



I am one happy woman.

There's been a lot of stuff happen that I haven't written about yet or that I am working on writing about -- the proposal, the holidays, a death in the family, the IRS, dental work, running.  So I kind of stopped writing for a while because I wasn't keeping up with things as they were happening -- but I thought I'd just do a quick blurb to the blogworld to say this:

I am a widow, and I am happy.  I love my life. 

I still cry about Brian's death, I still talk to Brian at times, and I will always talk about Brian.  Sometimes certain situations are made harder because of my grief or because of things that go along with being a widow.  But I've also learned and grown so much in the past three years, and I believe I am a better person now than I was when Brian was alive, when I was sort of blissfully ignorant to the realities of life and death.  I have a greater capacity for love and compassion than I once did, and a greater appreciation for happiness and life.  I am in a better place now than I ever have been.

Let me be clear -- it is not as if getting engaged has "fixed" me or taken away my grief.  Does it make me happy to be engaged to Sheldon?  Yes, more than I can say.  Does it put me in a better place than I was?  Yes, because I love him and my life is better with him than it was without it.  He is a wonderful person and I am lucky to have him as my partner.  Does it mean my grieving is over?  No.  That will be a part of me forever.  Does this mean I will no longer think about Brian, talk about him, talk about my loss, think of myself as a widow?  Of course not.  It's just that now, I will be a widow and a wife.  And I am happy.

We are getting married in a few months.  I'm sure I'll be blogging a lot about the upcoming wedding, my feelings and emotions that this brings up, the practical questions for a soon to be wedded widow, etc. on top of a ton of other things I've not yet covered.  For now, a blog icebreaker was in store to announce our happy news.

I am in love and I am happy!!  This year marks a new beginning for me, a new chapter in my life, and I look forward to writing the rest of my story.
 

5 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I too became engaged in November and am wedding next week. It doesn't "fix" anything, but what joy it has brought to my life. I wish the same to you!

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  2. I'm so happy for you. You've been able to move on. You've shown that it's possible. I just finished reading a novel, REALITIES, in which a young widow writes to her dead husband because she has no one else with whom she can share her most intimate thoughts. She writes about her present life, where she's just surviving from day-to day, and about their past life together. The novel wasn't all sad. It was interesting and funny and moving all at the same time. It showed the possibilities in life, just as you have. My best wishes to you.

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  3. Hi,

    I know this is going to sound crazy, but I am also a young widow (widowed at 31--my husband was 33 when he died 2.5 years ago). I was searching online for a young widow blog and came across yours!! I'd love to ask you a few questions...from widow to widow...about how you are handling certain situations. If that is ok, please email me caraluciano@hotmail.com. Thank you and congratulations!

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  4. Hi,My name is Zaira
    This is so crazy but I'm also a widow (widowed at 28-my husband was 29 when he died, he died 8 years ago). I always wonder on line and try to maybee interact with woman who have lost a love one. I'm also happily engaged but at the same time it has also been a process with our relationship and being a widow. I stared a facebook page call "young-widows" also you can contac me at young-widows@yahoo.com or email me at rzillanes@yahoo.com
    I know it was hard for me to find someone that had gone thru the same I went, so if you want to vent out, I'm here, just an email away...

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