Thursday, May 24, 2012


I am closer to God than I've ever been before.  Not more "religious," necessarily - I was more active in church when I was younger - but I think I have a deeper belief and understanding than I ever did then.  I pray more than I have in a long time.  For a long time, that wasn't something I did to get through the rough times.  I wondered why I should pray to a God/a being/an entity that would destroy my life in (the stop of) a heartbeat.  Apparently what I wanted didn't matter to this God anyway, right?

Well, I guess things coming together, and signs that I see, make me believe.  Knowing that there is life after death means there must be a God, there must be more, there must be a reason.  Having seen that in my own life, with my own eyes, I am closer to God than ever.

I know people who are grieving who would say the opposite -- sometimes death will shake the strongest faith, and sometimes it will be an unlikely source of strength for people who weren't previously very spiritually connected to a higher power.  Death and grief change everything.

That change is an ongoing process.  It's not like I "found God" right after Brian died.  It has taken time, and I'm still exploring and growing in this area.  Also, I'm sure that for some whose faith is all but destroyed, something -- some semblance of a belief in a loving God and eternal life -- will begin again.

In some ways, faith is like trust -- it takes time to build, it can be fragile, some people give it more freely than others, and it can be broken.  Still, it can be rebuilt.  Just like us.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you, I too also feel a closer connection to God....when my husband was sick I was a prayer warrior but now since he is gone - my prayer life has changed..not so formal...cause now I don't need to ask God for anything...he knows what I need....and your right it is an ongoing process..cause every moment is different for a grieving widow