I just received a call from a telemarketer working for Bank of America, the company that issues my Visa card (by the way, thanks for all those calls you make to your best customers to offer them various services, Bank of America! REALLY appreciated.). I always let them through one sentence before I interject and say, "I'm not interested; thank you." Then I hang up. Here's what I was told, in one sentence:
They were calling to offer me a service -- free for the first month or two, of course -- that would pay off my credit card balance in the event of any "life event" such as loss of job or death; and the ability to postpone payments if you move, your spouse dies, etc. I said, "I'm not interested; thank you." Then I hung up, and said aloud, "I'm not interested because all of those things have already happened to me this year. There's nothing left to protect against now."
I think it sort of hit me how much has and is happening to me this year, at this point in my life. All at the same time. It's overwhelming to think about -- in the last 9 months: Brian being taken so suddenly and so early in our life together, I'm no longer married, I'm looking to venture out of the legal profession, I'll be moving to a new place, getting a new job in a new industry (essentially starting from scratch professionally), and even caring for a new kitten (this is a big deal in one's life; it's probably a 15 year commitment)! That's a lot of change all at once.
It was overwhelming to think of it that way -- as cumulative, rather than one thing at a time and separately. Luckily, I've been pretty good at doing the latter, and then it's all a bit more manageable.
Today, after I hung up with the telemarketer, I had a little meltdown. My knees got weak and I slumped over and started to cry. I was just struck by how much I've gone through...and then I realized, I have made it through a lot. And the most important part is that I made it through. I'm still here! I will get through this; I'm still standing now. And, even better, I like the direction I'm facing.