Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Ups and Downs

For the most part, things are going well in my life and I've learned to handle grief and live with it.  That doesn't mean I don't still have bad days and awful moments.

About a week ago, I took a nap, and for some reason, I awoke with the thought, "Why did Brian die?"  I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I'm still struggling to figure out the why -- what is my purpose in life?  What was his?  What is the point of it all? 

Without him, I don't have as much direction.  There are an unlimited number of directions I could go, paths I could travel with my life.  It can be overwhelming and frightening.  Which is right?  How will I know?

Right now, I just have to put all my efforts into making the life that I'm living now the best it can be.  Still, I have days when I just want to cry, when I don't want to get out of bed, when I can't stop missing Brian and all I want to do is talk about him, look at his pictures, and when I long to hear his voice and his laugh so strongly my soul aches.  I think the worst are the days when "Why?" keeps floating around my mind, as though it were bouncing off my skull, ready to permeate my next thought and to sear itself into every moment of my being.



  1. Remember: What goes up must come down. That's the way of life for everyone.
    Just try to enjoy the ups and to forget the downs of the past.
    That's what I try to do. And it seems to make my life better.

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