Logging onto my fantasy football website today, I stumbled across a headline about a grieving college athlete who was going to take some time off. That link is here: http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/blog/eye-on-college-basketball/20568368/dukes-dawkins-taking-year-off-entirely-from-basketball
I noticed two things in the story itself. First, the player's sister died in 2009. Second, the sister died in a car accident on her way to her brother's basketball game, driving through a snowstorm because she was intent on seeing him play. Obviously, I can't know what is going on with anyone else's grief journey, but I'm guessing the manner and cause of her death have been particularly hard for this young man to deal with. It may be that this is why he needs time off from basketball, and not classes.
Whatever the case, I was glad to see this story because it brings grief into the spotlight a bit, and especially serves to remind people that the pain, difficult feelings, and adjustments you need to make in the wake of death are not buried alongside the body, and aren't put to rest days after the death. So often, we read about players missing one game to attend a funeral, or there is a blurb about how an athlete is coping with a family member's death in the immediate aftermath, before the death has really sunk in. Oftentimes, it is not until weeks, months, or even years later that we fully appreciate the loss and what it means.
Kudos to this young man for bucking the critics (and believe me, they're out there -- people looove to judge how other people handle loss, but that's a post for another day!) and doing what is right for him, right now. I hope he finds some peace and resolution on his journey.
I noticed two things in the story itself. First, the player's sister died in 2009. Second, the sister died in a car accident on her way to her brother's basketball game, driving through a snowstorm because she was intent on seeing him play. Obviously, I can't know what is going on with anyone else's grief journey, but I'm guessing the manner and cause of her death have been particularly hard for this young man to deal with. It may be that this is why he needs time off from basketball, and not classes.
Whatever the case, I was glad to see this story because it brings grief into the spotlight a bit, and especially serves to remind people that the pain, difficult feelings, and adjustments you need to make in the wake of death are not buried alongside the body, and aren't put to rest days after the death. So often, we read about players missing one game to attend a funeral, or there is a blurb about how an athlete is coping with a family member's death in the immediate aftermath, before the death has really sunk in. Oftentimes, it is not until weeks, months, or even years later that we fully appreciate the loss and what it means.
Kudos to this young man for bucking the critics (and believe me, they're out there -- people looove to judge how other people handle loss, but that's a post for another day!) and doing what is right for him, right now. I hope he finds some peace and resolution on his journey.
Thank you for this post. It brought me some calmness. I lost my husband 4 months ago, and have since returned back to work...to help maintain some "normalcy" in my life. But I struggle on a daily basis, trying to figure out what is best for me, and how best to honor my grief process...his life...my loss. On the one hand, "it's not business as usual", but on the other hand, there is some comfort in going to a job I am familiar with. It's not easy to figure these things out, but your post reminded me that I can change my mind at any time. There is no timeframe for grief, or set rules as to how we go through it.
ReplyDeleteI feel for this young guy - it's certainly no one else's place to tell him how to feel, or how best to grieve this loss. I hope he gets through it to find a better place on the other side.
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