This year marks the first time I won't be in Iowa for the holidays at all. I haven't always been there on Christmas Day since moving to Texas, but I have always spent some time there during the holiday season, had some kind of celebration. Not this year, though, and that's kind of hard. I made this choice with Sheldon a couple months ago, and with good reason - we went to Iowa in October for another wedding celebration and I returned again in November to attend a charity auction for Brian's animal shelter. Plus, it is always stressful to try to go to two different states up north. I have gotten quite sick over the holidays the past two years, probably in part due to the stress and travel. Not to mention the fact that the cats hate being left alone so long, even though our sweet neighbor Carol checks on them daily (actually, more than once a day).
Still, I was thinking it would be strange this year. I was missing the idea of seeing everyone, the excitement of the season. I knew we were making the right choice, but it still tugged at my heart a bit. Add that to the warm Texas weather, and I just haven't quite been very quick to get into the holiday spirit. I only started to come around a week or so ago, after we got all our decorations up and went to an ugly sweater party with some friends. I started to finally get excited about Christmas.
Now, some bad news has come along that is going to make Christmas really, really hard this year. Sheldon's uncle Matt passed away of a heart attack this week. He was only 50 years old. Far too young. We are still in shock, and very much grieving the loss of this man, who was very close to Sheldon. Matt got Sheldon into the business he is in now, and we would see him on company trips. We just spent time with him in Colorado a couple months ago. He was always around when we were in Cincinnati. He helped Sheldon plan and orchestrate our engagement, and did a reading at our wedding. I can't imagine a trip to Cincinnati where I don't see his face, hear his voice, feel his arm around me in a hearty embrace, and smell his cologne. It just won't be right.
This year, like last, we were to have Christmas dinner at Matt's house. He was going to make prime rib. It was amazing last year, one of the highlights of the trip. He was a great cook and host.
Matt also had season tickets to the Cincinnati Bengals. Every time we went there, we'd try to go to a game as well. This year, we'd planned a big group outing to the last game of the season with over a dozen people going. Matt would have been the heart and soul of this, the one who had the best tailgating spot, who told the best stories, who brought the best food. He may have been but one of 15 or so people, but his presence (and now absence) was much bigger. It will not be remotely the same without him.
Matt reminded me of Brian in a lot of ways. He was big-hearted, big in stature to match, he was outgoing, liked to have fun, liked to drink, not at all shy or reserved, spoke his mind, loved people, loved food, loved football, could be silly at times, and kind of acted kind of like a big kid. They both liked dirty jokes and Jaegermeister and were the life of the party. They both had unique voices that I will remember clear as day for the rest of my life. They both died suddenly on winter mornings, and their deaths were followed by major snowstorms. These men were powerful forces in life, and their sudden takings from this earth seemed to literally suck the air out of the atmosphere and wreak the same havoc on the weather that their deaths were wreaking on our hearts.
It will be with heavy hearts that we head north this week. Instead of having Christmas dinner at Matt's house and going to a football game with him, we'll be going to his funeral and comforting his fiancé the best we can, which will be helpful, but I know will never be enough to fill the hole in her heart and life. Thinking about what she is going through now and what lies ahead for her absolutely breaks my heart. I know this pain all too well, and wish to God she didn't have to go through it too.
Please keep Matt's family and friends in your prayers this holiday season. And please, cherish the time you spend with your relatives and friends. You never know which Christmas will be someone's last. Live your life with love, have fun, host parties, go to football games or museums or whatever trips your trigger, engage in good conversation, tell funny stories and jokes, and hug one another tightly. And have a Jaegerbomb for Uncle Matt while you cheer on the Bengals.
Still, I was thinking it would be strange this year. I was missing the idea of seeing everyone, the excitement of the season. I knew we were making the right choice, but it still tugged at my heart a bit. Add that to the warm Texas weather, and I just haven't quite been very quick to get into the holiday spirit. I only started to come around a week or so ago, after we got all our decorations up and went to an ugly sweater party with some friends. I started to finally get excited about Christmas.
Now, some bad news has come along that is going to make Christmas really, really hard this year. Sheldon's uncle Matt passed away of a heart attack this week. He was only 50 years old. Far too young. We are still in shock, and very much grieving the loss of this man, who was very close to Sheldon. Matt got Sheldon into the business he is in now, and we would see him on company trips. We just spent time with him in Colorado a couple months ago. He was always around when we were in Cincinnati. He helped Sheldon plan and orchestrate our engagement, and did a reading at our wedding. I can't imagine a trip to Cincinnati where I don't see his face, hear his voice, feel his arm around me in a hearty embrace, and smell his cologne. It just won't be right.
This year, like last, we were to have Christmas dinner at Matt's house. He was going to make prime rib. It was amazing last year, one of the highlights of the trip. He was a great cook and host.
Matt also had season tickets to the Cincinnati Bengals. Every time we went there, we'd try to go to a game as well. This year, we'd planned a big group outing to the last game of the season with over a dozen people going. Matt would have been the heart and soul of this, the one who had the best tailgating spot, who told the best stories, who brought the best food. He may have been but one of 15 or so people, but his presence (and now absence) was much bigger. It will not be remotely the same without him.
Matt reminded me of Brian in a lot of ways. He was big-hearted, big in stature to match, he was outgoing, liked to have fun, liked to drink, not at all shy or reserved, spoke his mind, loved people, loved food, loved football, could be silly at times, and kind of acted kind of like a big kid. They both liked dirty jokes and Jaegermeister and were the life of the party. They both had unique voices that I will remember clear as day for the rest of my life. They both died suddenly on winter mornings, and their deaths were followed by major snowstorms. These men were powerful forces in life, and their sudden takings from this earth seemed to literally suck the air out of the atmosphere and wreak the same havoc on the weather that their deaths were wreaking on our hearts.
It will be with heavy hearts that we head north this week. Instead of having Christmas dinner at Matt's house and going to a football game with him, we'll be going to his funeral and comforting his fiancé the best we can, which will be helpful, but I know will never be enough to fill the hole in her heart and life. Thinking about what she is going through now and what lies ahead for her absolutely breaks my heart. I know this pain all too well, and wish to God she didn't have to go through it too.
Please keep Matt's family and friends in your prayers this holiday season. And please, cherish the time you spend with your relatives and friends. You never know which Christmas will be someone's last. Live your life with love, have fun, host parties, go to football games or museums or whatever trips your trigger, engage in good conversation, tell funny stories and jokes, and hug one another tightly. And have a Jaegerbomb for Uncle Matt while you cheer on the Bengals.
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