Monday, March 25, 2013

So Much to Say, So Much to Say...

But, most importantly, this:

Sheldon and I are engaged!

I am one happy woman.

There's been a lot of stuff happen that I haven't written about yet or that I am working on writing about -- the proposal, the holidays, a death in the family, the IRS, dental work, running.  So I kind of stopped writing for a while because I wasn't keeping up with things as they were happening -- but I thought I'd just do a quick blurb to the blogworld to say this:

I am a widow, and I am happy.  I love my life. 

I still cry about Brian's death, I still talk to Brian at times, and I will always talk about Brian.  Sometimes certain situations are made harder because of my grief or because of things that go along with being a widow.  But I've also learned and grown so much in the past three years, and I believe I am a better person now than I was when Brian was alive, when I was sort of blissfully ignorant to the realities of life and death.  I have a greater capacity for love and compassion than I once did, and a greater appreciation for happiness and life.  I am in a better place now than I ever have been.

Let me be clear -- it is not as if getting engaged has "fixed" me or taken away my grief.  Does it make me happy to be engaged to Sheldon?  Yes, more than I can say.  Does it put me in a better place than I was?  Yes, because I love him and my life is better with him than it was without it.  He is a wonderful person and I am lucky to have him as my partner.  Does it mean my grieving is over?  No.  That will be a part of me forever.  Does this mean I will no longer think about Brian, talk about him, talk about my loss, think of myself as a widow?  Of course not.  It's just that now, I will be a widow and a wife.  And I am happy.

We are getting married in a few months.  I'm sure I'll be blogging a lot about the upcoming wedding, my feelings and emotions that this brings up, the practical questions for a soon to be wedded widow, etc. on top of a ton of other things I've not yet covered.  For now, a blog icebreaker was in store to announce our happy news.

I am in love and I am happy!!  This year marks a new beginning for me, a new chapter in my life, and I look forward to writing the rest of my story.